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darkilk~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cloud 7.1 here.
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Concerned as he was about Sho’s recent condition, Jun also had to settle his own obligations for an upcoming drama that he was filming and could stay no more than one night at a time. He had only managed three nights so far, and each had carried an atmosphere of a polite visit to an acquaintance; Sho was obviously glad for the company and easily made small talk, but with the benefit (was it really?) of knowing how things were, how things could be in better times made Jun exercise more restraint, wary of making a wrong comment that could make feel Sho pressured to recall things he couldn’t remember, or even worse if it did make Sho recall how bad things were at the time of their row.
Still, Jun was not ready to lose the battle to his own nerves, and it was after a particularly productive day of filming where things had gone smoothly that a mostly well-rested Jun was to take his “shift”. He had managed to complete most of his shots in one take, his other cast members had been in a jovial mood, with one of them even bringing in fruitcake delivered from his hometown for everyone to share. It was with this sense of improved spirits that Jun entered Sho’s room to the bright shrill of laughter that was so characteristic of Sho. It had been too long since he had heard that sound and it brought further cheer to Jun.
Until he was spotted and the bright light in Sho’s eyes waned a little.
Nino, seated with his back to the door when Jun entered, also turned and flashed a little contrite look at the arrival of the youngest member.
It was barely a moment, but Sho appeared to make a conscious effort to enliven his smile. “Jun-kun. You must be tired. Sorry you still had to rush over from filming for this old man.”
Determined to be glad for the slight increase in informality, Jun’s tone was softly chiding. “Some old man. I’m glad enough that you give up your mother-hen persona for now. That’s all I ask.”
“Well,” Nino stood, brushing imaginary lint off his lap as he did so, “Baton’s passed to you then, Matsumoto-kun.” Turning to throw a smirk Sho’s way, he added, “Don’t forget you owe me 1000 yen if I manage to wow you with your first ever proper Arashi magic trick the next time I come in.”
“Oh please,” Sho spiffed with a dramatic roll of his eyes, “As if you could. Not with the amount of time you spend on your games anyway. Right, Jun-kun?”
Jun had to bite back the reply that would have given away Nino’s bluff. Trust the Neens to still be up to his tricks with an amnesia-stricken Sho, but he also didn’t want to dampen the glee he heard in the other man’s voice. A non-committal “mmm” and a shrug of his shoulders were all he managed as Nino turned a neutral gaze on himself, as if he too was waiting to hear how Jun would respond.
The grin Nino threw his way helped turn up the corners of his own mouth, and once the shorter man had left, Jun settled down beside Sho, taking his time to place and sort out the basket of fruit he’d brought on the bedside table.
“So what are you up to?” Jun finally asked when he turned his attention to Sho, his eyes straying to the laptop in front of Sho, one that everyone had agreed to provide to their newscaster with strict promises extracted that nothing work-related was to be done on it. The gentle tap of fingers on the keyboard had served as pleasant distraction from the quiet they found themselves in, but Sho was too polite to continue once Jun initiated conversation.
“Just doing some research.” Sho was quick to throw in at Jun’s raised eyebrows, “but not for Zero… or work, I promise. Not that… current with how things are anyway.” Sho’s uncertain quirk of his lips showed his unease in bringing up anything related to his condition.
“What are you looking for?” Jun asked with a slight smile, looking towards the screen in the hopes that his own nervousness regarding Sho’s memory loss didn’t show. When Sho did not answer immediately, Jun turned to catch the older man staring at him in some form of amazement.
“Aren’t you tired? Cos really, you don’t have to entertain me. You can just rest and I’ll just keep myself occupied here.” Sho’s words were filled with kindness and Jun bit his lower lip, letting the warmth in him be conveyed in his own smile.
“It’s fine. I’m fine. Really.”
“You’ve been filming a drama,” he added as faint colour gathered in his cheeks. “At least that’s what I gather from Nino.”
“That’s right.”
“And considering what I do remember from your Hanadan and Bambino filming,” this was said with somewhat fond exasperation, “you DO set a pretty punishing pace for yourself.”
“I know better now Sho-kun. I can take care of myself.” Jun’s voice was firm, although he was silently glad that Sho still cared enough to nag.
“Oh. Sorry,” Sho backtracked, his voice losing a little of its vigour. “I didn’t mean to imply that- Sorry.”
The moment Jun heard the shutter come down on Sho’s emotions, he felt like kicking himself. Sho had enough upheavals to deal with, and was just probably trying to show concern to the four people closest to him.
“Sho.”
“Hmm?” came Sho’s reply, although he refused to meet Jun’s gaze, fixing his eyes to the screen in front of him.
“I didn’t mean to sound flippant. I- I know you just wanted to show you still care about me… about us,” Jun corrected with haste.
“I didn’t mean to sound like a know-it-all.” A tentative smile was thrown Jun’s way. “I just remember… remember our USG filming in Australia a couple of years… or so back?”
“That’s… quite a while ago,” Jun admitted with a little grin.
“I still remember the Aqua Challenge we had out at Great Barrier Reef. How my chest was pounding when Jun-kun kept persisting in retrieving the underwater key. I felt like my heart was going to leap out any moment everytime you came up empty. I just knew that you wouldn’t give up. You just didn’t seem to know when to wave the white flag, so…”
“I… never knew you felt… that way.” Jun couldn’t bring himself to look at Sho, and so chose to concentrate anywhere else in the room.
“Well. You’re older and wiser now. No need for my badgering.”
“You know that’s not true Sho-kun.” Jun finally met Sho’s amused look with one of his own that was full of conviction.
Their gazes held for a couple of moments before Sho cleared his throat with an almost embarrassing squeak, causing both to turn away with mirroring grins of their own. By the time their gazes reconnected, there seemed to be a palpable scattering of the former tension in the air.
“So…”, Jun asked with a finger pointed to the screen. “You were telling me what you were researching?”
“You’ll mock me once you know,” Sho scrunched up his nose, as if he was beginning to regret even considering telling Jun what use he’d put the laptop to.
“You know you’ll tell me in the end.”
“Well…”
“Sho-kun.”
“You’re a passion vine.”
“I’m what?” The perplexed look on Jun’s face must have tickled Sho’s funny bone as the grin practically split his face. “You make it sound like I’m something perverted.”
“It’s just that you know how Mimura-kun in Yamada Tarou is versed in ikebana?” At Jun’s silent nod, Sho continued. “I just got curious of how things work in reality, you know since I had so little to do? One thing led to another and I found myself caught up in reading how different blooms meant different things. So…” he trailed off with a mortified chuckle.
“So I’m a passion vine… how?” Jun was trying hard to contain his snort of laughter.
“Well, you’re always ready to sacrifice yourself for the greater good… and the flower’s a rich vivid purple that’s SO you.”
“So you’re telling me you matched the members to flowers?”
“Well, yeah.” Sho’s expression turned a little defensive as the merriment in Jun’s eyes refused to fade away. “Nothing wrong with that.”
“Alright, alright,” as Jun sought to pacify the annoyed man before him. “So for the sake of argument, what are the rest?”
“Aiba’s a toss-up between the white lily or magnolia.” At Jun’s questioning look, he explained, “You know, for the purity of our miracle boy or for his love of nature. And Ohno’s the yellow gorse that represents love in all seasons.” Sho seemed a little wistful as he elaborated with a glance to Jun, “For how he’s always there whenever you need him.”
“Surprisingly apt so far.” Jun noted with a nod of his head, “And what about Nino?”
“Hmmm,” was Sho’s reply as he tilted his head slightly to stare at the screen with a minor frown. “I… still can’t quite decide on Kazu yet.”
Jun’s eyelid did not just twitch at the easy use of Nino’s first name, nor the almost pondering awe written on Sho’s face.
“Kazu’s something, isn’t he?” Jun’s tone was decidedly neutral as he sought to squelch the irrational jealousy flashing through him; Sho couldn’t be blamed for this confused state of affairs. And Jun knew better than to unfairly point the finger at Nino either, for it wasn’t as if they could – or wanted to – turn back time to change how the pair had found fellowship during the drama filming.
“Things are… different now, and yet not.” Sho’s first actual reference to his situation was underlined with a sense of weariness, “You. Aiba… You all look different. And Captain’s all… dark and goateed?” He gave a short bark of laughter before sobering again. “Kaz just seems no different than before. Someone I knew and still know, who knows me for what and who I am, amnesia and all.”
Jun felt a tug on his heart, but couldn’t rightly attribute it to any one emotion. “Things won’t always feel so exhausting Sho-kun. We’re here for you. We all are, and not just Nino.”
“I know.” Sho seemed overwhelmed by the earnestness in Jun’s words. “It’s just that… having that someone that you can rely on?” Sho smiled, yet it didn’t reach his eyes, and he chose not to elaborate.
Jun pulled in a breath before he willingly said the words. “Is that how you see Nino?”
“No! No no no…” Sho flapped his uninjured right wrist laughingly. “I love Nino dearly as a friend, but not… that way.”
“I see.”
Sho sounded somewhat cautious when he raised his own question. “Jun-kun. Do you have… someone like that?”
The eyes that met Jun’s seemed genuinely curious, but Jun could not help entertain the ephemeral, absurd thought that this could just all be an elaborate hoax on Sho’s part to make him reveal his true feelings.
But there was no way Sho could be that heartless to make everyone think that he’d lost his memories just to force my hand. Not with the way he had just worn his heart on his sleeve for me to see.
Gulping past the constriction in his throat, Jun murmured softly, “There… might be.”
“And does this person know how you feel?”
“I hope he does.”
Neither missed the significance of the pronoun used, even as Sho’s lips lifted in a gentle U. “I think he does too… for what it’s worth.”
Seemingly satisfied to put an end to that line of conversation, Sho firmly herded Jun to the makeshift bed with a gentle smile to take an undeniably much needed rest.
When the youngest groggily stirred to Ohno gently shaking him by the shoulder a good few hours later, it was with the knowledge that he was due to the filming site, and therefore unable to bid a sleeping Sho goodbye. While it had been encouraging that their conversation the previous night had helped make some headway into reclaiming their friendship, Sho had projected a vague melancholy. It gave Jun a lingering sense of disquiet, that he had overlooked something he should not have lost sight of.
Not wanting to take a chance that his neuroses would prove him right, he warned Ohno, “Do watch out for his mood Satoshi. He seems a little off at times, for reasons I can’t figure out.”
Ohno was quick to lend reassurance. “Moody, but nothing that will likely affect his recovery, right?”
An affable shrug was all Jun could offer, before he threw a last look at the still-slumbering man and headed back to the reality of an idol’s world.
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In the weeks after, Jun would have said that things were looking up as Sho was well on the mend. The bruises on his face had almost faded, and although his chest was still heavily bandaged, his left arm showed improved mobility after physiotherapy sessions, an overall lessening of the stiffness from his early days of injury. While Sho’s memories still showed no signs of recovery, he seemed to no longer suffer from the excruciating nightmares that had hounded his sleeping hours. He also was more reconciled with his interim (he had insisted he would not think of it any way else) gap of the last three years that he had shared with the members, but was for the moment just out of his grasp.
More importantly to Jun, their friendship was increasingly moving towards the pre-debacle early months of 2010 when all was well and good between them, even with Sho’s gaps in knowledge.
In fleeting moments when Sho’s lips thinned fractionally into harsh lines at accidental references of things he should have known, or should have been able to relate to, a subtle nudge and melodramatic gesture or expression became the key to allaying Sho’s insecurities into tentative grins. While the four members were no longer allowed to stay overnight with Sho, they now rotated twice-daily visits in the early afternoons and mid-evenings to maintain the spirits of their newscaster. Sho still berated the others to have time to themselves, but it was clear he was increasingly comfortable with, and looking forward to, the other four who had again begun to feature so prominently in his life.
Jun really should have been prepared that when things seemed to be getting better, it was just a sign for it to be otherwise.
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TBC: Final Cloud: Darkest Hour Before Dawn
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-21 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-22 12:55 am (UTC)I'm glad for the Sakumoto interactions again; missed them. Sho's on the road to recovery thankfully. Working on the last part, but not sure how soon I can get it done. Hope the final tie-up will be worth your wait. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-21 06:34 pm (UTC)I thought that they will progress smoothly now that Jun is trying to get closer to Sho again, but then you crushed my hope with the last sentence. -_-
Now I can't wait for the next chapter!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-22 12:58 am (UTC)Anyway, don't despair. All will be resolved in the final chapter, though it's going to be hard tying up all that has happened. I kind look forward to, but also dread, it at the same time.
Yorishiku ne! :)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-22 03:29 am (UTC)Poor Jun. Doing his best to make up for 'lost' time, but I wonder if it'll work out ok. Again, that last line. I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for Jun!
Thanks for sharing. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter now!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 02:08 am (UTC)Just remembered how I squealed the first time I realized there was there first member-collaboration (and not member-cameo) drama, so just a little shout-out to sakumiya as well.
Jun's stronger in this part, but also doesn't want to come on too strong to a recovering Sho, so I hope I didn't lay it on too thick.
Sorry for the late reply, but thanks for your vote of encouragement. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 02:13 am (UTC)I'm a sucker for angst, so take heart that endgame's sakumoto for me. Hehehe... hinted at in the title of the next part. Don't worry, I can't handle writing charater death or the likes of it.
I'm both happy and sad that the next's one final part too, so much thanks for sticking with me. :) :)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 02:19 am (UTC)second: i love the dialogues between Jun and Sho!! but i speciall LOVE jealous Jun!!!!!
and you've definitely made me intrigued about what's going to happen next!!!!
and i must admit...i love sakumiya too!! i kind of love any pairing that includes Sho but anyway, i really loved that you took Sho to the Yamada Taro times!! though i wasn't even a fan yet=P
ok then good luck with the next and last part!! i'm sad it's ending but all i need is a sakumoto ending and i'll be fine!!gambatte!!!!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-26 03:35 am (UTC)Missed writing pure sakumoto interaction too after the parts in between, so that kinda wrote itself. :)
I'm a sakumoto fan at heart, so that should be a comfort? :)
Not sure how long before I can get the final part done, but I'm so happy / sad that I can actually finish my first ever FF. Thanks for the love! :)
no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 01:44 pm (UTC)As I am quite impatient, more with fics I love, I really can't wait to read next part, especially after that last line in this part that got me worried... but after reading your answer to comments above, I know I can expect some angst for those two before everything gets more or less solved!
For what I've read, you are a sakumoto fan like me (those who like happy ending...) so part of me is relaxed for that, but I can't wait, seriously (not pressure here ;))
This last part is great because there are a lot of interaction between them and they look to be in the way to solve things... *sigh* what is waiting for them I wonder... ^^
no subject
Date: 2011-09-20 02:17 pm (UTC)Thank you for your support thus far, and your patience is definitely appreciated.
Now if RL will just take a backseat... (> <) (> <)