darkilk | [One-shot] Sakumoto: Three Little Words

Genre: Canon

Pairings: Sakumoto

Rating: PG-13 (for mild abuse of language)

Possible Spoilers: Inspired by Scene Dome DVD “Training Camp” clip of Sakumoto on the flying fox (you can read my thoughts on it and the training camp here), but nothing much else from reality cos the rest is (almost) entirely made up.

Disclaimer: Can’t claim credit for the boys, their fame and what nots, just this insane brain of mine.

Summary: Three little words in Sho’s and Jun’s lives.

Word count: 1,805 words

Author’s Notes: Totally in love with the Scene Dome DVD’s Training Camp video. It’s been a hard half-year that has left little ‘me’ time, so hope this little fic can give joy, as much as it gave me to write it. Comments are love ©.

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“Don’t touch me.”

The first time the words are uttered, Sho manages to frighten off a then-sixteen-year-old Jun who cannot understand why the member that he looks up to has such a short fuse. All it takes is an unwarranted word from a fan, a misinterpreted (by Sho) behaviour from one of the staff-san, and Sho is ready to take issue, the worst being when he rabidly chased after a fan with an umbrella.

Jun wants to assure Sho that Arashi still loves him despite his temper tantrums, but how can he do so when an intervention is met with the three words?

Jun heaves a sigh as he stares at the stiffly-held shoulders, the aura of anger (or thinly-veiled hurt?) serving as a shield to tell the world to f***ing leave him alone.

The words are not shouted, but somehow that makes things worse as Sho looks so cut off from everyone else, the pain barely hidden beneath the surface.

Jun thinks that Sho doesn’t really mean the words, but he can’t be sure.

~~~~~

“Don’t touch me.”

The words might be the same, but the impact seems greater that it is now the younger one who’s the source. Sho cannot figure out when exactly the little boy who admired him disappeared to, to be replaced by the sneering, rebellious young man facing him.

Sho has grown out of his own phase of wanting space from others, so he figures that’s what Jun needs… even if it stings a little. He always thought he was that bit closer to Jun than the others. Sawada Shin and Tsukasa Domyoji may have established Jun’s mettle as an actor, but Sho worries that it’s Jun’s way of saying that he’s tired of pandering to the crowd, and that he would just like to be left alone to do what he wants to do. He worries that the company might not look too kindly upon the ‘new’ Jun, but he doesn’t know how to broach the subject, not with the “touch-and-die” looks that Jun throws him whenever the older boy tries to get physically closer to try to tease a laugh out of him.

Sho thinks that he really should just listen to Jun’s words, but his heart is heavy as he glimpses the torn looks on Jun’s face when the latter thinks no one is watching.

~~~~~

“Don’t touch me.”

The same words now feel like a slap to Jun’s face, especially when Nino is allowed to do so, practically flinging himself off the stage to check that Sho’s fall has not resulted in Sho being as badly hurt as feared. Jun wonders if he’s perfected Shin’s and Tsukasa’s mannerisms too well that Sho doesn’t feel comfortable around him. But then again, it’s been happening recently even before Sho’s fall off the stage during the concert rehearsal.

He’s at least allowed to ride along with both members in the ambulance, but he maintains his silence (and distance insofar that is possible within the cramp confines of the vehicle). With Sho lightly dozing to the rocking motion of the vehicle, Nino throws a questioning look Jun’s way, but the younger one simply turns to look out at the traffic on the road.

It is only when Sho is safely ensconced in the hospital, when Nino has volunteered to check on administrative matters of Sho’s hospitalization that Jun takes a hesitating seat beside the slumbering man. He would have taken the chance to check for himself that Sho is okay, but the harsh-sounding words still ring in his ears.

“Jun.”

Sho’s eyes are open, and the look in his eyes confuses Jun.

When Sho’s hand comes up to gently touch Jun's cheek, it comes away wet.

Sho starts, “I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay, Sho.” Jun reaches up to wipe away the offending tears. The last thing he wants Sho to see is him like this.

“No, it’s not.” His hand holds tightly onto to Jun’s, his eyes quietly pleading for Jun to understand.

Jun thinks he does.

~~~~~

“Don’t touch me.”

Jun’s voice is tight with some emotion that he seems to struggle to keep under control, his back towards Sho in the living room, barely inches away, but the space separating them might just as well have been worlds apart.

They have barely been six months into their relationship. Yet it is one that has taken years in the making. It hasn’t been easy, and both Sho and Jun have fought hard to get to even this stage. It had been easy to decide after three months that they wanted to be the first and last thing each saw at the start and end of the day, but it is too soon; the test has come too soon.

Sho has been snowed under with work, leaving little time for Jun, something that has already taken a toll on the youngest member. It doesn’t help matters when Sho has to leave for an early interview, leaving a sullen Jun at barely the break of day. It also doesn’t help that the first question Sho has to contend with is not how Arashi is progressing in recent months, but how Sho has been photographed with his latest rumoured paramour in less than flattering circumstances.

Photographs that have obviously made their way into Jun’s possession, as evident from the brown envelope and scattered black-and-white shots scattered all over their living space when Sho opens the door that night.

Sho is terrified by the look in Jun’s eyes. There is no anger, no recrimination… no hope.

When Jun turns away to grab his bags that had already been packed, Sho reaches out, only to be stopped stone-cold by those three short syllables.

“Jun.” Sho fights the fear that grips his heart. All he has to do is close the gap between them, but he doesn’t know how Jun will react. “Jun.”

The sob that breaks the silence is what pushes Sho to pull the younger man into his arms. When Jun crumples into the embrace, Sho feels his own world crack at the edges.

He understands what it took Jun to say the words.

He also now knows how much Jun is willing to sacrifice to take back those words.

~~~~~

“Don’t touch me.”

The next time those three words are uttered, Jun is at a loss. Sho is seated on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees, his face hidden in the hands that hide his tears. The words are choked out, but there is no anger to deal with and neither of them is to blame. In fact, there is no one to blame.

The earthquake has delivered a message that not everything is within their own control, the reminder that mankind cannot be too smug in his own intelligence.

Because right now, Jun’s wit can do nothing to try to lessen the pain in the man he sees before him. Both had been away on separate assignments, and Sho had told him of his plans to travel to the quake-hit areas for work. He’d known the highly empathetic man would feel the loss keenly, but in the here and now, he has not the faintest idea how to react to the words.

So he sinks down beside Sho on the couch. The almost imperceptible hiccups are erratic, causing prickles to rise behind Jun’s own tired lids. He takes care not to make contact, but it doesn’t take more than five minutes before the gentle pressure of the other man leaning against him brings a sad smile to his own face.

Pulling the other man into a hug, Jun can feel the floodgates release in Sho.

Jun knows that Sho means it when he says those words; he also knows that it is Sho’s way of saying, let me come to you in my own time.

~~~~~

The words this time are filled with a mild sort of hysteria.

It is their training camp during Arashi’s twelfth year, with Nino making an almost perfect landing at the other end of the flying fox setup, and the camera has panned in on the almost frantic look on Sho’s face. Jun is barely in the shot, having just made his way up to the already swaying platform up in the air.

As Nino waves encouragingly to Sho, Jun’s first instinct is to lend his support, but the hand that was meant to land on the sloping shoulders takes on a mind of its own, leading to a sudden detour that gives a friendly jab between Sho’s ribs.

“Hey!” The shout only serves to trigger Jun’s own laughter.

“Don't touch me!” This is said with a laugh, so how does Sho really expect Jun to take him at his word?

When the words are repeated, the brief look Sho throws his way is filled with merriment but is also guarded. Jun realizes that it is not due to any real anger, but with increasing clarity that the man is plotting his vengeance (which Jun will surely circumvent) that he is trying to hide (and failingly so!).

“Come on, Sho-san. Just pretend you’re at Kokuritsu. Let’s go,” Jun’s voice is filled with faked concern, even as he can see Sho eyeing his surroundings for any forms of escape.

“Hm,” comes Sho’s muted acceptance, trying to calm his nervousness by humming an Arashi melody, but his knowing grin suggests that Sho had guessed that Jun has something planned, even if he has no idea what of exactly. “On the count of three okay?”

“On three,” Jun acknowledges and starts the countdown, completely ignoring Sho’s earlier words and steadying his hand on the other man’s back.

“Two…” And Sho is unceremoniously shoved off the platform to the sound of his own mock screams of terror. Screams that are accompanied by calling Jun an idiot.

Jun knows that Sho will later pretend to get angry with him in front of the cameras, but he also knows that Sho trusts him enough to know when the words are to be taken seriously or not.

~~~~~

By the time they reach their own seventh-year anniversary and Arashi’s fifteenth, the three words are practically non-existent in their vocabulary.

Still in the public’s eye, Sho and Jun no longer need such words for either to know when an indiscriminate touch may unnecessarily spark off another round on the gossip mill. Much as they are sure their fans have no issue even if they were to publicly declare their relationship, they know that they would prefer to do without all the furore.

Three little words that started out showing them their early uncertainties, not knowing what each meant.

In the end, these were the constant three words that had defined them, their changes, and the nuances of what they had become.

THE END